Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Wild Wednesday - It's a Heartache

by Lindsay M. Ordone

I’d like to talk about the growing epidemic of heartache. There are many reasons heartache can occur – losing a loved one, breaking up, etc. I think the majority of the people you ask would be able to give you a story or two on when they’ve experienced this terrible feeling.

It wasn’t that long ago that I experienced heartache of my own. I haven’t really talked about it, because that’s how I deal with things. I internalize them and I’m sure I’m not the only one. After four years and an engagement, my fiancé up and left randomly with no word as to why or that he was even leaving. The funny part about that is – the way he did make it easier for me to deal with.

I was able to move closer to my family, to be able to do as I pleased. I can now watch shows he hated, go places he wouldn’t take me to, pretty much anything I want to do. Then there comes a time when you realize that even though you can do all these things that you couldn’t do before, there is someone out there that will enjoy experiencing these things with you. That person may be right around the corner, a business conversation (as with my parents) or just some random stranger walking down the street.

I don’t necessarily believe in pre-destiny, but I believe everyone has a soul mate out there somewhere. Soul mates are the very embodiment of everything that’s right for you, as an individual. A true soul mate will watch that show you love, even if they hate it. They will bring you to places you love to go, just because you love it, even if they don’t. They will allow you to do the things you love to do because they realize how special it is to you.

When you’re young and you break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you think it’s the end of the world and then you get a little older and realize that other things are happening around you. Getting into college and making something of yourself becomes your priority and you realize that anyone who makes you experience heartache isn’t worth your time and energy.

This is just my experiences and others may be different. Some of you may read this and say, “Exactly!” Others may read this and think, “This girl is nuts.” Whatever your response is, I truly believe that no matter what heartache you’ve been though in your life, it can be overcome and although you may never forget what it felt like, that may be a good thing. It will remind you not to go there again.

My mom keeps reminding me not to make my current boyfriend suffer for my ex’s stupidity. I shouldn’t keep watching for the other shoe to drop or look for the catch in this seemingly perfect guy. She keeps telling me to stop holding my breath waiting for him to do the same thing to me, because the chance of that happening again isn’t that likely.

Sometimes I’m irrational and seemingly uncaring, but my problem is, I care too much and that scares me.

My ex taught me something in those four years we were together. He taught me what not to “put up with” in the next 50 years of my life. He taught me I’m worth the happiness that I am always being told I deserve and he taught me to choose your battles.

These are important lessons to be learned and that goes for everyone.


Kathleen said...

Hi Lindsay,

You're right, we all do experience heartache. Your words are wise, and it seems like you've learned a lot about yourself over the past four years. Some people are not capable of giving you what you deserve.

I tend to believe in destiny, but, that's my opinion. It sounds like you are exactly where you should be, and caring is a good thing.

Maureen said...

Good attitude, but I also understand the gun shy bit. After my near death, it took me a long time to stop waiting for that other shoe to drop...

But along with that came a real awareness of what I didn't want to miss in my life...just like you realize once the ex was gone.

It's all about learning! No, you aren't nuts, you're aware!

Valerie Mann said...

Mom is right ~ let your boyfriend love you and be who he is. He sounds like a great guy and lucky to have you, vs. the dumb one who let you go. Sometimes the thinks that happen suck at the time and then afterward you're like, "I'm so glad that happened." The road to that realization isn't always easy or fun but worth it!

Author Leanne Dyck said...

Hi Lindsay,
I'm firmly in the "exactly!" camp.

Vanessa said...

Great post. I too believe that there is someone out there for everyone, and you just have to wait for them, even if you think it will never happen.

ISn't there a quote about that? Something like "No boy is worth crying over, and the one who is won't make you cry."

Anonymous said...

Thank you all for your comments! I'm doing my best to not make Quinn suffer for the ex and luckily he doesn't feel like he is.

I'm doing something right!

Again, thanks for your encouragements and sweet words!


Nishi Serrano said...

True Words Valerie,
I was in a terrible relationship for seven years before I finaly broke it off, then stayed relationship free for three years until I found my soul mate. If one is willing to let mistakes go and learn from them, then good things await!