Why Being a Hairdresser Makes Me a Better Writer
In signing up to blog at Daily Dose of Decadence today, I gave no thought as to what the heck I would say. So when sat down to write, I stared at the cursor blinking for half an hour. I prefer to blog as my characters, they are so much more interesting than I am. I am a just a regular person with a regular house in a regular little town. Though I do have a cloak of invisibility that helps me fight drug lords and I know how to party…not that that either are interesting or difficult. Just add whiskey and the rest comes naturally. J
Anywho… I have had a handful of odd jobs in my day. A painter, a waitress, worked in a fudge shop, a banquet hall, tutored. Went to college for marketing and dental hygiene. No degree in either. During all of this I have dabbled in writing, my first love, though I never thought I would get a book published let alone two. (((happy dance)))
For the last 16 years I have been paying my bills by being a hairdresser. Not too prestigious but hey, when I go to work I hang out with friends, have fun every day, and it pays pretty darn good, too! J
The stories I hear would curl your hair…pun intended.
So what does any of that have to do with writing erotica?
Everything and nothing. You have heard the phrase ‘Truth is Stranger than Fiction,’ right? Well, I am about to prove that once again.
The following stories I will swear on a stack of bibles to be TRUE in every detail. While they did not all happen to me, they DID all happen in the salons where I have worked. So sit back and enjoy a taste of Deanna’s own personal source of writing material ….
1. Never get drunk at work and decide to wax your boyfriend’s hairy ass after hours. You might pass out in the treatment room and the receptionist WILL find the two of you the next morning, your boyfriend’s pants around his knees with the muslin and wax still stuck to one of his butt-cheeks (not me FYI. They went home by the time I got in, darn it!)
2. Want your hair dyed back to your natural color? Bring in a baggie full of your pubes. It’s ever so helpful to your colorist. I guess those color charts we have are just for looks (the girl sitting next to me…I saw the baggie!)
3. If you whack a client on the top of the shoulder with a paddle brush, even playfully, you can break their collar bone (no that was not me either)
4. There are women clever enough to create a sex menu for their man. If he wants it more than twice a week, he has to buy it off the menu ---each item priced according to how much effort you’re expected to put out. Very clever. Beware: If you tell me anal is eight hundred dollars I WILL remember six months later when you brag, “The most I ever made was 800 bucks.”
5. Creepy Frank Sinatra impersonators like to have long pointed acrylic nails on their thumb, index and middle finger so they can pluck guitar strings. Yeah right, sicko! (and yes, I did them anyway. A girl’s gotta make a living)
6. Strippers pay in ones (my client, eeew!)
7. Do not party with another hairdresser’s husband because if you sleep with them that hairdresser will come into the shop and beat the ever lovin’ shit out of you and I will have to call the cops
8. Make sure your precious daughter sits still when she gets a haircut because one loon I worked with chopped off a little girl’s pony tail
9. If you tell the icky customer you don’t have a lint roller to clean off his back and his ass after a haircut…look out he will bring one with him next time (my client again)
10. DO NOT tick off a fellow hairdresser because she might put a drop of black dye into your platinum blond hair color without you looking. When you then dye your hair on your lunch break, your hair will turn green. Those girls are so evil they will even help you call the Miss Clairol hotline to find out why it happened (I was the one who said evil person told all about it. She quit the next day)
11. If an old man has the hots for the receptionist she should NEVER listen to him when he says the tanning bed is broken because when she goes back to check it out he will be butt-ass naked (he, he, he, I told her not to go back there!)
12. And finally….drum roll please…. Some men can carry on a full conversation with their hairdresser while they are jerking off under the cape. Good God don’t touch that! I don’t think it’s hair gel! (I thought it was gel, too…..thank god I didn’t touch it!)
If I’m lying I’m dying! I feel like I need Paul Schaffer’s band from David Letterman to give me a ‘ba-dum-bump!’
So in conclusion, with all of this kind of crazy ruckus happening on a regular basis where I work…some of the stories I couldn’t even print… now you know why my writing has a touch of the bizarre. With this sort of fodder sometimes I wonder why I’m not on the New Your Times Bestseller List!Later!
THE LEGEND OF SLEEPY HOLLOW: “You will never think of Ichabod Crane the same way again!”
Available soon from Decadent Publishing!