Today I celebrate twenty four years of marriage. I’ve discovered a lot about relationships through the years and would like to share a bit of the wisdom.
1. If you set a laundry basket in the bathroom, he will still kick his underpants onto the floor beside it. I have a theory. I believe the primitive genes have kicked in and this is his way of marking his territory or thumping his chest. You put the basket there for him to place his clothing in it. He is telling you he won’t bend to your will. He is king of the castle—hear him roar.
2. Love is blind, or it’s just really smart and keeps its mouth shut. See selfies below.
I walked around like this the other morning for the better part of forty-five minutes. My husband didn’t say a word. Yes, after you’ve been married for a few years, your spouse or significant other get to see things no one else does. Now I’m not quite sure what is worse—that he didn’t say anything, or that maybe he didn’t notice. I got the same peck on the lips, “love you” and the odd “behave today” comment I always get. As soon as I saw my morning wakeup do and face in the mirror, I knew I had to take a picture, followed by hitting the flatiron and putting on a little makeup.
|Ta-dah! Lady Frankenstein was tamed.|
Now, I’m only showing you this because I don’t want you to think I walk around like that. Actually, I think the longer you’re in a relationship, the easier it is to fall into what I call the “slob” mode. Remember when you first started dating and he wouldn’t see you looking like visual aide number one above, dead? So, why is it okay after you’ve been together a few years? Things can sometimes get too comfortable. Heck, when your lover doesn’t notice that you’ve slipped into slob mode, maybe it’s time to start caring so he does. Plain and simple, doing my best to look my best for him from now on.
3. I have no clue to this day why my husband tells me to behave every morning. (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.)
4. A man will do anything on anyone else’s honey do list, but your own. That’s right. You want your sink fixed you have to A: do it yourself. B: Ask your brother-in-law, father-in-law, father, brother, etc. They too have honey-do lists they do not want to address. Which brings us full circle to the undergarbachies on the bathroom floor next to the hamper. Anyone see a pattern here?
I have learned however there is an option C: Go into his shop, or wherever he keeps his tools and fire that table saw up, or walk past him carrying his bag of wrenches. This gets an immediate reaction and should only be used as a last resort. Tools are sacred and the abuse thereof, could end in said tools being locked up where you have to hammer nails into the wall with a can of beans if you want to hang a picture. (Not speaking from experience here, of course.)
5. Sometimes you have to pick a fight. I know, you’re scratching your head asking me why on this green earth I would think this is a good idea. Let me explain. There will be times in your relationship your other half won’t say what needs to be said—what’s on their mind. Sometimes they pull out the silent treatment. Now, I can tell you my personal limit is about three days before I crack. The last time this happened it was over a cat I adopted. He didn’t want the cat. I did. Since nobody tells me no, I got it. After about three days, I figured it was time to pack my bags and head for my sister-in-laws. This always gets an instant reaction. So, I don’t do it often, and I don’t do it unless I’m prepared to go stay somewhere else. (Three times in twenty-four years) He immediately begans to open up about why he’s so upset, vent, get it out. It takes him about five minutes and then he is snuggling the cat and talking to me again.
The thing I’ve learned, couples who don’t argue build up like a high pressure cooker. Every now and then you need to let off a little pressure so you don’t explode. Just remember to always fight fair. Don’t call names, don’t accuse. Say we instead of you or I. Last but not least, pick your battles. Not every war is worth fighting. How important is it really?
6. Kiss them and tell them you love them when they leave everyday and when they come back.
7. If it’s important to me, it’s important to you. There was this young woman I worked with once. It was her birthday. She made the comment to me her husband never gets her a present, not even a card or a verbal happy birthday. She followed it up with, “It’s okay. It’s not important anyway, once you get older.”
My response: “What does age have to do with it. It isn’t important? Why did you mention it if it isn’t?” I’m going to tell you is this. I watched my father forget my mother on her birthday, at Christmas, and their anniversary year after year while growing up. She’d always say it was okay, it wasn’t important. But it was. I could see it all over her face. Then one day my mother spoke up and told him how it made her feel. He didn’t think it was important to her, she didn’t tell him how it made her feel, so he never did anything to change it. After that, he never forgot her on those special days, in addition, he often surprises her on ordinary days with small tokens of affection. Flowers, a special meal, maybe even a tree for the yard. The love is returned tenfold. When you feel appreciated and loved, you are more likely to reciprocate. Ladies, never believe you shouldn’t be treated like a queen. In the same token, treat your partner the way you would want to be treated.
8. I write romance because it is central to my life. I am living my happily ever after. I feel a world full of romance is so much better than a world without. Almost every novel I write has a little of my man in it. He’s my ideal hero and well, that’s why he finds his way into my stories.
9. Sometimes it’s okay to be the helpless female—or at least need help and admit it. Sometimes I just want to let my husband be my pillar of strength to lean on. My man loves to be my hero. Nothing wrong with letting him flex a little muscle and be my knight in shining armor, even if it’s just a shoulder to cry on.
10. Do the unexpected. Surprises are the spice of life. Go ahead, do a strip tease on the kitchen island, or dress like Cat Woman and meet him at the door. Sometimes the surprises are hot, other times they’re a complete fail. (Don’t cook bacon naked). Regardless, they’re always worth a memory or two you can look back on and laugh about.
You have one life. Live it. Love it. Share it.
D. L. Jackson