The poor fruitcake has been a despised dessert, the butt of holiday jokes for as long as I can remember. I’ve eaten it a few times, however, and frankly I’m not sure what all the complaints are about. It’s heavy and crumbly, for sure, but with a nice cup o’ joe it can be quite tasty. Though, the only fruitcakes I have eaten were from the store, not homemade. See, even my family turned their noses up at this traditional dessert.
When I was writing Everybody Hates Fruitcake, I was definitely playing on the fruitcake prejudices out there. Poor Ivan—one of the Dark Elves hired by Santa to take care of his reindeer—has fruitcake-flavored cum.
“What?” you say. “Fruitcake-flavored cum?!”
Yeah, in case you haven’t heard all of Santa’s elves have candy flavored cum in The Naughty North Pole. LOL And it only seemed right that one of them would taste like fruitcake. Trouble is, Ivan knows all the jokes people say about fruitcake, and he is afraid to tell anyone his secret. He thinks no one will ever find him as delicious as the chocolate and peanut butter flavored guys.
But Sheila—the head chef at the North Pole and supervisor of Santa’s Christmas Cookie Baking School—thinks fruitcake is delicious! She has been spending years perfecting her recipe, but has never been able to get it right. When her wife Danni tells her about Ivan....well, let’s just say Sheila is in the mood for some taste testing!
Like Sheila, I too wanted to find a delicious fruitcake recipe. Check out these two AWESOME recipes that I found.
1) King Arthur Flour website TASTES OF THE TROPICS FRUITCAKE. If you love banana bread, and coconut, and the moist, dense, heavy texture of a classic fruitcake, you'll enjoy this "tropical" version of a holiday classic. It’s non-traditional but it was a big hit with my family!
2) The best and easiest recipe I found was this one from the Sugar-n-Spice Girls Chewy Fruitcake Cookies! These are AWESOME, you should totally make them. I left out the orange and lemon peel, though, and they were delish!
If you decide to try either of these recipes......think of Ivan and whether or not you really hate fruitcake.
Deanna Wadsworth might be a bestselling erotica author, but she leads a pretty vanilla life in Ohio with her wonderful husband and a couple adorable cocker spaniels. She has been spinning tales and penning stories since childhood, and her first erotic novella was published in 2010. When she isn’t writing books or brainstorming with friends, you can find her making people gorgeous in a beauty salon. She loves music and dancing, and can often be seen hanging out on the sandbar in the muddy Maumee River or chilling with her hubby and a cocktail in their basement bar. In between all that fun, Deanna cherishes the quiet times when she can let her wildly active imagination have the full run of her mind. Her fascination with people and the interworkings of their relationships have always inspired her to write romance with spice and love without boundaries.
Everybody Hates Fruitcake
Ivan has the bad luck to be the only elf at the naughty North Pole with fruitcake-flavored cum—and he’s not telling anyone. When fellow elf Jimmy hits on him, Ivan fears revealing his secret and losing a chance to have a real relationship with the sexy elf.
After all, everybody hates fruitcake!
Danni's wife Sheila is the Head Chef at the North Pole. Unfortunately, while Sheila hunts for the perfect recipe for fruitcake, she neglects her wifely duties. So when Ivan tells Danni about his dilemma, she devises a plan to solve both of their problems.
Can these two girls help Ivan realize he is perfect just the way he is? Will Danni's wife perfect her fruitcake recipe with Ivan's special ingredient? But most importantly, will Ivan have the courage to take Jimmy up on his offer?
A soft hand caressed mine. “Why don’t you like Jimmy?”
Naturally, Danni wouldn’t let it drop. “It’s not that,” I answered. “I like him a lot, actually. That’s the problem.”
She shook her head, her long black ponytail swaying. “That makes absolutely no sense.”
“Of course you don’t get it.” I brushed a lock of silky black hair off her brow. Her bangs were always falling in her eyes, and she didn’t flinch from my familiarity. “You’re perfect.”
Grinning, she said, “Well, that’s obvious. But it still doesn’t explain why you say you like Jimmy, yet you ignore all his advances.”
“Because I don’t know if I should do anything about it. He’ll just end up being disappointed.”
“I’m still going to go with, that makes absolutely no sense.” She gave me a head to toe once over. I managed a smile when she tipped back to take in my ass and give me a whistle—she was such a flirt. “You’re gorgeous, Ivan. And you’re funny. You forget I’ve seen you take care of those pathetic earthbound reindeer.”
“They’re not pathetic.”
“See what I mean? All the other Dökkálfar in the stables prefer to work with the flyers. But not you. You’re kind and patient. A real caregiver. So I ask you, what would Jimmy have to be disappointed about?”
I squirmed in my seat, unsure if I should tell her, but desperately wanting to. I had not breathed a word of it since I’d arrived, preferring to have my choice of lovers, rather than be laughed at like I had been in my hometown. But something about the sincerity, the kindness in Danni’s brown eyes made me feel like I should trust her. Like it was finally time to tell someone the truth.
“Because I taste like fruitcake.”
Pick up your copy of EVERYBODY HATES FRUITCAKE today!