Usually, I prefer to
blog as my characters, they are so much more interesting than I am. I am a just
aregular person with a regular house in a regular little town. Though I do have
a killer garden and I know how to party…not that that either are interesting or
difficult. Just add dirt and whiskey and the rest comes naturally.J
Anywho… I have had a
handful of odd jobs in my day. A painter, a waitress, worked in a fudge shop, a
banquet hall, tutored. Went to college for marketing and dental hygiene. No
degree in either. During all of this I have dabbled in writing, my first love,
though I never thought I would get a book published let alone SIXTEEN. (((happy
dance)))
For the last 20 years I
have been paying my bills by being a hairdresser. Not too prestigious but, hey,
when I go to work I hang out with friends, have fun every day, and it pays
pretty darn good, too! J
The stories I hear would
curl your hair…pun intended.
So what does any of that
have to do with writing?
Everything and nothing.
You have heard the phrase ‘Truth is Stranger than Fiction,’ right? Well, I am
about to prove that once again.
The following stories I
will swear on a stack of bibles to be TRUE in every detail. While they did not
all happen to me, they DID all happen in the salons where I have worked. So sit
back and enjoy a taste of Deanna’s own personal source of writing material ….
1. Never
get drunk at work and decide to wax your boyfriend’s hairy ass after hours. You
might pass out in the treatment room and the receptionist WILL find the two of
you the next morning, your boyfriend’s pants around his knees with the muslin
and wax still stuck to one of his butt-cheeks (not me FYI. They went home by
the time I got in, darn it!)
2. Want
your hair dyed back to your natural color? Bring in a baggie full of your
pubes. It’s ever so helpful to your colorist. I guess those color charts we
have are just for looks (the girl sitting next to me…I saw the baggie!)
3. If
you whack a client on the top of the shoulder with a paddle brush, even
playfully, you can break their collar bone (no that was not me either)
4. There
are women clever enough to create a sex menu for their man. If he wants it more
than twice a week,he has to buy it off the menu ---each item priced according
to how much effort you’re expected to put out. Very clever. Beware: If you tell
me anal is eight hundred dollarsI WILL remember six months later when you brag,
“The most I ever made was 800 bucks.”
5.
Creepy
Frank Sinatra impersonators like to have long pointed acrylic nails on their
thumb, index and middle finger so they can pluck guitar strings. Yeah right,
sicko! (andyes, I did them anyway. A girl’s gotta make a living)
6.
Strippers
pay in ones (my client, eeew!)
7.
Do
not party with another hairdresser’s husband because if you sleep with them
that hairdresser will come into the shop and beat the ever lovin’ shit out of
you and I will have to call the cops
8.
Make
sure your precious daughter sits still when she gets a haircut because one loon
I worked with chopped off a little girl’s pony tail
9. If
you tell the icky customer you don’t have a lint roller to clean off his back
and his ass after a haircut…look out he will bring one with him next time (my
client again)
10.
DO
NOT tick off a fellow hairdresser because she might put a drop of black dye
into your platinum blond haircolor without you looking. When you then dye your
hair on your lunch break, your hair will turn green. Those girls are so evil
they will even help you call the Miss Clairol hotline to find out why it
happened (I was the one who said evil person told all about it. She quit the
next day)
11.
If
an old man has the hots for the receptionist she should NEVER listen to him
when he says the tanning bed is broken because when she goes back to check it
out he will be butt-ass naked (he, he,
he, I told her not to go back there!)
12.
And
finally….drum roll please…. Some men can carry on a full conversation with
their hairdresser while they are jerking off under the cape. Good God, don’t
touch that! I don’t think it’s hair gel! (I thought it was gel, too…..thank God
I didn’t touch it!)
Oh snap!!!
If I’m lying, I’m dying!
I feel like I need Paul Schaffer’s band from David Letterman to give me a
‘ba-dum-bump!’
So in conclusion, with
all of this kind of crazy ruckus happening on a regular basis where I work…some
of the stories I couldn’t even print… now you know why my writing has a touch
of the bizarre. With this sort of fodder sometimes I wonder why I’m not on the
New Your Times Bestseller List!
Later!
Deanna
Deanna Wadsworth might be a bestselling erotica author, but
she leads a pretty vanilla life in Ohio with her wonderful husband and a couple
adorable cocker spaniels. She has been spinning tales and penning stories since
childhood, and her first erotic novella was published in 2010. When she isn’t
writing books or brainstorming with friends, you can find her making people
gorgeous in a beauty salon. She loves music and dancing, and can often be seen
hanging out on the sandbar in the muddy Maumee River or chilling with her hubby
and a cocktail in their basement bar. In between all that fun, Deanna cherishes
the quiet times when she can let her wildly active imagination have the full
run of her mind. Her fascination with people and the interworkings of their relationships
have always inspired her to write romance with spice and love without
boundaries.
Buy Deanna’s books at Decadent
Publishing or at any reputable eBook seller
2 comments:
ZOMG, as a hairdresser (former) I totally laughed my *ss off.
OMG, I've never been a hairdresser, but now I totally want to hang out in a salon every day. :) Great, GREAT post!!
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