Thursday, November 24, 2011

Black Friday!

by Katie Harper

Today is Thanksgiving in America, but let’s face it, we’re really just carbo loading for the twenty four hour orgy of greed that is Black Friday. My favorite part of Thanksgiving is the newspaper. That huge Encyclopedia Britannica size roll of paper filled to bursting with full color sale ads. These sales start at 10:00 (Walmart) on Thursday night and run until Friday evening. It is literally the biggest shopping day of the year and my own personal holy day.

I proudly worship at the altar of the retail gods. When I shop Black Friday I have a detailed attack plan. I assign objectives to fifteen of my nearest and dearest. If my brother Jason shows up at the rally point without a Disney Princess Ultimate Castle, he will be flogged. I take this shit seriously. Last year, I did all my Christmas shopping in one day. In one day I purchased a gift for my parents, in laws, four brothers, three sisters in law, one sister, one brother in law, three nieces, two nephews, grandparents, one spoiled rotten daughter, and myself, who I take very good care of every Christmas, in one twenty four hour period. That’s it. One marathon day of shopping and I’m done. Tell me that isn’t worth an Olympic gold medal. 



Now, before you start spitting your hateful venom about the commercialization of Christmas, let me make one thing perfectly clear. I know Christmas spirit isn’t measured by the size of your gift. I know that Christmas isn’t about presents. I get all that touchy feely crap. I just get it while wrapped in my new cashmere throw watching my little girl playing with her new Rebecca American Girl’s doll. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have store maps to study.

5 comments:

Jessica Subject said...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Black Friday is something retailers are just now bringing to Canada, to keep residents from spending all of their money south of the border. We'll see what happens in the coming years.

yvonnenicolas said...

My and the hubby are getting ready for the store run right now. We have sale ads spread out all over the floor. LOL! We love getting up early and getting lost in the rush.

Olivia Starke said...

Happy Thanksgiving! I've never jumped into Black Friday, but after working retail off and on for years I know first hand the madness.

Good luck and happy sales :D

Jo said...

For me, it's one store and home! I have Thanksgiving 2 to prepare! lol

Barbara Elsborg said...

I think your Black Friday is the equivalent of our Boxing Day - a mad rush by the entire population of the UK - all looking for the same thing.I hope your attack on the shops went well!