Joey Tribiani – Dylan is a blond. Joey is not. Dylan is a one-girl kind of guy. Joey has a different girl every night. Did I mention, Dylan is a blond?
Jack Dawson – Jack stole a girl from her fiancé. Dylan picks his up at the airport. Jack dies. Dylan lives Happily Ever After!
Dr. McDreamy – With hair like that, McDreamy’s hair product budget has to be huge. Dylan has a personal hair stylist and wash and go hair.
THOR – Aliens want to fight Thor using mystical outer space weapons. Dylan’s biggest problem is fighting off his screechy ex-girlfriend.
Charlie Harper – Charlie gets drunk and tries to mail his pants to Inspected by Number 94. Dylan gets drunk and confessed his deepest, innermost secrets
Indiana Jones – Indiana Jones was named after a dog. Dylan was named after Bob Dylan.
The Terminator – The Terminator will “be back.” Dylan never left.
Rocky Balboa – Rocky fought Apollo, Ivan Draggo, Clubber Lang, Mason Dixon and Tommy Gunn for sport. Dylan was a former FBI agent who put the bad guys in jail.
Batman – Batman has a cool car with a weapon system, jet engine and strong armored body shield. Dylan has a pick-up truck with an air mattress.
Superman – Superman wears tights and a cape. Dylan wears Levis and boots, yummy.
Ferris Bueller – Ferris lip-synced to the Beatles and Wayne Newton. Dylan hummed Bon Jovi songs. *sigh*
Freddie Kruger – Freddie was a knife-finger haunter of bad dreams. Dylan is classified as a dream guy in at least 3 states.
Frodo Baggins – Mr. Frodo had hairy feet and pointed ears. Dylan has ripped abs and kissable lips.
Marty McFly – Wears Calvin Klein underwear. Dylan has been known to go “commando.”
JR Ewing – Made his money in the oil fields. Dylan made his money in a gas station.
Magnum P.I. – Lived on an island in Hawaii. Dylan lives in Storybook Lake!
Yoda – Yoda is a Jedi master. Dylan is a kissing god and a clothing Houdini!
Macgyver – Mac could build a bomb with chewing gum, a paperclip and a light bulb. Dylan built an entire guest room with an air pump and a pick-up truck.
William Shakespeare – Shakespeare spoke Elizabethan. Dylan speaks with a sexy, slow southern drawl.
Captain Jack Sparrow – Captain Jack didn’t get the girl. Do I really need to draw that picture???
Santa Claus – Santa gives presents one day a year. Dylan is unwrappable 24/7 - 365!
In the YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING, IT’S NO CONTEST Category…
Any star of Jackass